Pivotal Choices Coaching

How to Act like an Extrovert and Put Yourself Out There; or, Business Calls Can Lead to Happiness

Are you paralyzed at the thought of making a call to market your services or to ask something of another person?

How about calling a contact, someone you’ve met at some point? 

Or do you do whatever you can to avoid all marketing calls?

I’m an introvert, and in the past I would rather do about anything than make a call. 

When I was training to be a coach, I was told to make cold calls to market my services.

The trainer told our class that the individual goal for each of us was to get x number (say 5) of “no” responses.

The assignment was just to make the call and had nothing to do with outcome.  That made the process easier. 

Positive Psychologist researcher Chris Peterson tells us that extroverted people are happier than introverted people.

Introverted people should be asked to do extroverted things. 

What this means for you is
     •   If you are asked to make calls, then you should find a way to do that.
     •   Ask the same of yourself.
     •   In a nutshell -- Ask yourself to do extroverted things.

Even if making calls is difficult for you, once you have done this extroverted task of reaching out to others, you will be glad that you did it.

See if this approach works for you:
1.  Take the pressure off—you’re not invested in outcomes.  Tell yourself that your goal is to receive 5 “no” responses to your marketing calls.
2.  Then ask yourself 2 questions
     a. “What does this person need?”
     b. “What do I have to offer that will solve a problem for this person?”
3.  Write a script for yourself.
4.  Tape yourself reading your script.
5. Listen to the tape and jot down key points that you are making; add missing points.
6.  Practice talking (not reading).
7.  Make the first call no matter how nervous you feel.  No dilly-dallying.
8.  Remember that this call will bring you one call closer to your goal of 5 no’s.
If you get a yes, what a gift!  That’s the prize in the Happy Meal box.
9.  Begin every call with a smile on your face.

When you finish, take note of how satisfied you feel.

According to Chris, you’ll be just as satisfied as if you were extroverted. 

How Does Friendship Affect Workplace Productivity and Job Satisfaction?

"The antidote for 50 enemies is one friend."   
— Aristotle

While you may not feel you have 50 enemies at work, office politics being what it is, many workers feel that there is little loyalty or even honesty in their place of work. 

Having a friend at work can temper some of the competition and ill will that seem close to the surface or perhaps right out in the open in many offices. 

Positive Psychology researchers contend that one of the most important ways to improve one’s job satisfaction is by having a friend at work. 
•  Someone with whom you enjoy sharing lunch or talking to about the kids or the football game or the  3K race coming up Sunday.
•  Someone with whom you can compare prices and benefits of one gym over another.
•  Someone to whom you can reveal your less-than-complete knowledge or understanding of a product or an account or a file.

Having a friend helps to bring out the best in you.  If you feel that someone at work recognizes your worth as a person and also shares your values, you will probably feel more confident in exercising your strengths and talents. 

The more you can use your strengths, the more likely it is that you will be happy and have greater job satisfaction and greater productivity on the job.

How can friendships be encouraged within the office culture?  What changes would you suggest?

I welcome your ideas—I’d love to hear what you think.

Also, please visit my website (www.nwcoaching.com) and sign up for my free e-newsletter. 

"Beautiful": You’ve Got To Get Up Every Morning With A Smile On Your Face

Serendipity strikes! 

This morning as I was looking for the weather report on TV, I happened upon Carole King singing “You’ve got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart . . . “

What a lovely way to start a day— seeing Carole King singing was like seeing an old friend.  She doesn’t know me, of course, but it’s hard for me to hear that song and hear her imperfect voice and not relax into a smile.

It reminded me of what a career coaching client had said to me recently.  Commuting to work one day, she was overcome with what had become an increasingly familiar feeling of dissatisfaction.  She had been wanting to quit her current job, but for various reasons, she felt she could not. 

Instead, she was actively working on identifying changes she could make in her work and in her life that might increase her job satisfaction. 

This particular day had not started out well—she was caught up in heavy traffic and was going to be late to work. Feeling tense, she was mentally sorting through self-calming strategies.  What came to mind was her recent resolve to smile more-- at random moments but especially when she was feeling low. 

So she smiled. 

And she was incredulous at how her spirits lifted. Surprised, she said that she laughed out loud.

Smiles have long been praised, in song and in adage, but only recently has the science of positive psychology offered studies that suggest the mood-altering power of a smile. 

Studies have produced some interesting results.  One study followed the lives of women who had a crinkly-eyed, happy smile in a particular group photograph.  It turned out that the smile had been a strong predictor of the individual’s future happiness. 

While it seems reasonable that one often shows happiness by smiling, what is surprising, at least to me, is that smiling can affect one’s mood and allow a person to feel happier. 

I write today just to tell you that my client was better able to face her day with a smile on her face.

And that Carole King had it right. 

Life Comes at You Fast, But What to Do When It Doesn't?, or, Where Is Change Possible?

Life comes at you fast, or so says the commercial.  But for many people, life may have lost some of that zip.

Perhaps you feel the need for change, but you’re not sure where that change should be. 

Taking an overview of your life can be helpful. 

Try this exercise:  Draw a pie and divide it into several slices, each slice denoting an important area of your life, such as career, income, family, learning, fun, exercise, food.  Then rate each of those areas on a basis of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest level of life satisfaction.   

If you are ambivalent about change, this exercise can be a good place to start. 

Are there any surprises here for you? You might choose one of the slices and think about what was behind the score you gave it. 

Looking at your life one aspect at a time can give you
1) clarity to see where change would be helpful and also
2) strength to set goals and take action.

I'd love to hear how this exercise works for you. 

If you would, take a minute to visit my website at www.nwcoaching.com and sign up for my newsletter.  I would like to hear your thoughts on what I should include--what would be helpful to you?

How to Start a “Must-Have” List for Greater Job Satisfaction

If you are looking at what comes next on your career path, look back over the choices you have made in the past.  Start with the degree/major your chose in college and come forward.  Take note of the first job that you chose.  Was it in the field you studied in college?  What did you consider when you chose that job? 

As you assess the career choices you have made, what do you consider as pivotal along the way?  What were turning points?  Do you feel an aliveness as you consider any particular choice or step? 

Recently I was talking with a client about what had brought him from college through various jobs to where he is now.  As he got to the point of talking about his current job—the one he doesn’t want to keep—his energy level increased and his voice became animated. 

While this job may not be his dream job, clearly something about the current experience energizes him.

If you feel particularly alive at one point in the recounting of your career path, stay in the moment and take note of the learning that’s available there for you.

More than likely, you’ve identified a “must-have” component for your next job.

Let me know how this exercise works for you. 

I would be glad to share more tips and thoughts with you.  I invite you to visit my website at www.nwcoaching.com, and while you're there, please sign up for my newsletter.

Six Steps that Will Kick-Start a Tired, Stalled Project

The other day a caller asked if I had ever coached someone who had become stalled on a house renovation project.  My answer was no, but what came to mind was how similar all big projects are.   How difficult it can be to keep going.  How crushing the project can become. 

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Let’s say it was you who started the renovation project. You envisioned the changes you were going to make.  You put together a plan to accomplish those changes.

And you took on this project in part because of what you wanted to prove to yourself.

Following through on such a commitment takes courage and resilience.  I’ve seen someone with these qualities accomplish an amazing home renovation project.  The husband of one of my nieces almost single-handedly built a large room onto their house.  He’s an accomplished man, but he’s not a carpenter, nor is he an architect.  Nevertheless, over many months, the structure came together, and it’s a lovely addition to their home.

Completing such a project must be more than satisfying.  I would guess that the end feeling would be relief coupled with enormous joy in the accomplishment.

But if the renovation project is yours and if you’re stuck, re-starting takes courage and a willingness to look with new eyes at what this project will require from you.

Here are the Six Steps you have to take:

1.  You need a plan, the more detailed the better.  Without a plan, you probably won’t succeed.

2.  Make realistic, manageable goals each and every day or work session.

3.  When you accomplish the day’s goal, stop for the day—you don’t keep going.  Stopping when you’ve reached a realistic goal gives you the strength to come back another day.  If you go beyond the realistic goal, you make it much harder to return to the project.

4.  After you quit for the day, acknowledge yourself for the courage it took for you to take on this whole project, as well as for what you have accomplished that day.

5.  And give yourself permission to feel joy in meeting the challenge. 

6.  Draw on that feeling of renewed courage and the surge of joy to start your work another day.

Embarrassment, discouragement, and shame are likely to accompany getting stuck on a home renovation or building project.  Having one’s failure on public display can be brutal.  But the dread of being found out when a failure isn’t so visible is also hard to bear. 

Life’s too short to live in dread or shame.  You have a choice.  I say get started on that detailed plan . . . and then get to work!

Meaningful Work, Pleasure, Loved Ones Make for the Happier Life

Some people put up with work that leaves little time for family or other meaningful pursuits outside of work.  When they think of leaving, the “Yeah, but” chatter starts up in their minds—“I should be happy that I have a job that pays well…Our family expenses are so great that I don’t have a choice.”

People who now call themselves “recovering lawyers” might have formerly been part of a group that Tal Ben-Shahar, author of Happier, labels the “rat racer.” 
 
He says that the "rat racer’s tension stems from the need to feel control over the future."
(“What if I don’t get a promotion?  What if I can’t afford the mortgage on my new house?”)

Many of the self-described recovering lawyers that I know are women. They had started to question their goals.

To find a balance in their lives and to enjoy the present, they made a choice.  They decided that they wanted a present that was more proportional.  For some of them, that meant a life that included their families as well as work.

Ben–Shahar says the happier life includes pleasure and meaning, spending time with our loved ones, and learning or being engaged in work.  Too often, he says, we sacrifice something that is essential to our happiness.

What is Happiness?  He says “when we experience something as personally significant and when we enjoy doing it is when we’re at our happiest.”