Pivotal Choices Coaching

Taking Small Steps toward Responsibility to Gain Acknowledgment

While working with my career coaching clients, I’ve heard the same words being spoken by people who are in very different settings. . . . Low-person on the totem pole. . . . .Lack of acknowledgment by the supervisor. . . .Manipulation/ emotional abuse/ unethical actions. . . .

Let me describe the situations of three people in very different settings whose experiences have striking parallels.

The three people, though in very different settings, have similar predicaments—their talents are going unrecognized. 

Jim is a young man working with a research group.  He’s finishing his dissertation and has been with the group only a few months, while the other 3 people have been in the group for some time.  Jim is bright, ambitious, and frustrated.  He doesn’t think the others on the group recognize his talents in research and writing, and furthermore he thinks the others in the group have made some mistakes that may cost the group time and perhaps prestige. 

Another of my clients, June, is a middle-aged woman who feels that she is not being acknowledged adequately in her place of work.  She works in a small company but finds that her talents are frequently ignored.  She call herself a potted plant—people look through her, never thinking of including her in any of the more interesting projects.

The 3rd person, Joy, is a thoughtful person, a good writer, and also very analytic. Her company is quite large, and the division where she works is fast-paced and demanding.  Joy recently was on sick leave, but before she took sick leave she was on the track for promotion.  Part of the reason that a promotion appeared to be in her future was because the supervisor appeared to be impressed with Joy’s work.  And Joy had a good attitude, worked hard, and made a point of being a team player, both in terms of  working well with her colleagues and also in working well with her supervisor.

When Joy took sick leave, the supervisor did not seem to realize that Joy would be out for some time and that Joy did not have a choice.  When Joy returned to the office, it appeared that the supervisor begrudged Joy the time away and was going to make her pay for being out of the office.  Joy was bowled over at the unfairness of the unexpected turn of events. 

All three people seem dismayed, but only two are disgruntled- Jim and June.  Both Jim and June seem to think that they are entitled to a higher position by virtue of their being bright.  However, neither has used their intuition or social intelligence to improve communication or to show what they could add to the group.  Both may be low person on the totem pole in their particular group, but they could make things more equal by stepping out of their isolation to communicate more, to contribute more, and to recognize the gifts of others in their group.

Joy, on the other hand, has been dealt a raw deal.  She has choices, but it appears that her supervisor is holding a grudge and Joy may be right not to trust her.  If Joy has other reasons for staying in her current position and if she can work hard and well and avoid becoming disgruntled, she may eventually win the supervisor over.  Or the supervisor may move or be removed.  Joy seems to have the strength of character to work through the difficult situation. 

What has been striking to me is that the person whose situation is truly unfair seems to be bravely rising to the occasion.  She has grace as well as courage.  She continues to look for ways to contribute to the group and does not gossip about the unfair situation she found upon returning from sick leave.

Joy needs my support, but Jim and June need to be challenged. 

I am challenging Jim and June to make small steps toward assuming more responsibility for their situations. 

Until they emerge from entitlement and do whatever needs to be done, they will remain unhappy and unfulfilled.

I have faith… Potted Plans can bloom.

If you would like to share your story with me, I’d love to hear from you..

Also, please visit my website and, for a bonus, sign up for my fr*ee e-newsletter, Smart Tips.

The Practice of Gratitude Can Make You Healthier—Hear Author Explain How

The new book Thanks!  How the new science of gratitude can make you happier has brought gratitude to the public consciousness.

For ages, gratitude has been so much a part of most cultures that the interest that this book has generated is quite amazing.   

It has been reviewed in many, many newspapers and referred to by columnists. Interviews with the author, Robert A. Emmons, have been published in several places.

What makes the book intriguing is that, based on extensive studies, author Robert A. Emmons shows that if we practice gratitude, we can actually become healthier!

The practice of gratitude can improve our physical health and also our mental health.  It can help us eliminate feelings of resentment and hatred.

Robert A. Emmons is well-known as a serious researcher and psychologist..  Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Davis, he has published close to 100 articles in peer-reviewed journals.
   
You can hear Professor Emmons live Friday, Dec. 14 from 4:00 - 5:20 pm Eastern Time at a free teleconference.   Register at www.mentorcoach.com, and you will be sent the telephone bridge number for the call.  You pay only your usual long-distance charges.
 
I’ll be there—hope you can come, too.

And please visit my website (www.nwcoaching.com) to sign up for my newsletter.  As a sign-up bonus, you’ll receive a really great gift--something that you can use.
 
See you at the Gratitude interview!

Until next time,
Nancy
www.nwcoaching.com

How Does Friendship Affect Workplace Productivity and Job Satisfaction?

"The antidote for 50 enemies is one friend."   
— Aristotle

While you may not feel you have 50 enemies at work, office politics being what it is, many workers feel that there is little loyalty or even honesty in their place of work. 

Having a friend at work can temper some of the competition and ill will that seem close to the surface or perhaps right out in the open in many offices. 

Positive Psychology researchers contend that one of the most important ways to improve one’s job satisfaction is by having a friend at work. 
•  Someone with whom you enjoy sharing lunch or talking to about the kids or the football game or the  3K race coming up Sunday.
•  Someone with whom you can compare prices and benefits of one gym over another.
•  Someone to whom you can reveal your less-than-complete knowledge or understanding of a product or an account or a file.

Having a friend helps to bring out the best in you.  If you feel that someone at work recognizes your worth as a person and also shares your values, you will probably feel more confident in exercising your strengths and talents. 

The more you can use your strengths, the more likely it is that you will be happy and have greater job satisfaction and greater productivity on the job.

How can friendships be encouraged within the office culture?  What changes would you suggest?

I welcome your ideas—I’d love to hear what you think.

Also, please visit my website (www.nwcoaching.com) and sign up for my free e-newsletter. 

Three Steps for Making-Do with a Job Even If Change Is on the Horizon

Sometimes we are so eager to move on from our current job to what is coming next that we burn our bridges.

If you haven’t landed the next job beyond a doubt, then you probably want to make sure there’s a paycheck coming in.  You also may need references from your supervisor or employer at some point in the future.

If you have to remain at your current job for the foreseeable future, how can you make this time of uncertainty or transition easy on yourself?  Even better, how can you make this time count for something?

What opportunities are there for learning?

Here are three ways to use this time to your advantage:

1.  How can you increase your social intelligence?  Without engaging in office gossip, what can you learn about how others act wisely in office relationships and how they use social information to get others to cooperate?  What can you learn about leadership by observing how others use their social intelligence?

2.  What can you learn about your character strengths?  How are you using your top strengths and where could you have been using them more on this job?

3.  What would you do if you were the CEO of this organization? What changes would you make?  How would you change the corporate or office culture?

I'd love to hear what you might add to this list.

If you're interested in hearing more about using your strengths, please sign up for my free newsletter at my website:  www.nwcoaching.com.

A Hopeful Choice: Happiness at Harvard through Goal-Setting

Serendipity struck last night.  As I was clicking on my TV remote, putting off the choice between writing or sleeping, I happened on "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central.  At that moment Jon Stewart was introducing Tal Ben-Shahar, author of the book Happier and instructor of the most popular class at Harvard—a class on Positive Psychology.

In his book Happier, Ben-Shahar emphasizes goal-setting and the effect goals have on changing one’s life. 

Jon Stewart, ever the cleverly entertaining cynic, poked fun at the concept of a Happiness course with its overtones of self-help. Stewart asked if the class is popular because it’s easy.

Ben-Shahar held his own, showing his witty side as well as that of the scholarly researcher.  He said that his class conveys the research and science behind the emerging field of positive psychology and also helps students improve the quality of their own lives.

Experience tells those of us who have taught college students that students need to find meaning in the academic process beyond the notion that one day it will all be over.  In the middle of exams, papers, and required readings, it’s easy to feel isolated and anchorless.

Ben-Shahar says that having goals demonstrates hope, or in his words, “the belief that we are capable of overcoming obstacles.”

To illustrate, Ben-Shahar compares life to a journey in which you’re walking along with a knapsack on your back until you come to a brick wall.  Do you turn back or “throw your knapsack over the wall, thus committing yourself to finding ways of getting through, around, or over the wall?”

The first difficult choice is setting the goal.  Throwing your knapsack over the wall takes faith in yourself, but even more importantly, the willingness to make a commitment.  This is what I will do.  I will find a way.   

The brick wall is a pivotal choice.  You can commit to scaling that wall or turn back.  Committing to a specific, stated goal makes it easier to keep going.  And surmounting that brick wall bodes well for overcoming additional brick walls in your future.

Makes sense, right? And so obvious! Or as Jon Stewart said to Ben-Shahar about positive psychology and also about Ben-Shahar's teaching positive psychology at Harvard, “It’s a fascinating subject and one I can’t believe you’re getting away with.”

To see the Tal Ben-Shahar video clip, go to
http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show/videos/most_recent/index.jhtml and click on the box for the Tal Ben-Shahar video.

I’d love to hear your reaction to Tal Ben-Shahar.