Pivotal Choices Coaching

The Practice of Gratitude Can Make You Healthier—Hear Author Explain How

The new book Thanks!  How the new science of gratitude can make you happier has brought gratitude to the public consciousness.

For ages, gratitude has been so much a part of most cultures that the interest that this book has generated is quite amazing.   

It has been reviewed in many, many newspapers and referred to by columnists. Interviews with the author, Robert A. Emmons, have been published in several places.

What makes the book intriguing is that, based on extensive studies, author Robert A. Emmons shows that if we practice gratitude, we can actually become healthier!

The practice of gratitude can improve our physical health and also our mental health.  It can help us eliminate feelings of resentment and hatred.

Robert A. Emmons is well-known as a serious researcher and psychologist..  Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Davis, he has published close to 100 articles in peer-reviewed journals.
   
You can hear Professor Emmons live Friday, Dec. 14 from 4:00 - 5:20 pm Eastern Time at a free teleconference.   Register at www.mentorcoach.com, and you will be sent the telephone bridge number for the call.  You pay only your usual long-distance charges.
 
I’ll be there—hope you can come, too.

And please visit my website (www.nwcoaching.com) to sign up for my newsletter.  As a sign-up bonus, you’ll receive a really great gift--something that you can use.
 
See you at the Gratitude interview!

Until next time,
Nancy
www.nwcoaching.com

How to Act like an Extrovert and Put Yourself Out There; or, Business Calls Can Lead to Happiness

Are you paralyzed at the thought of making a call to market your services or to ask something of another person?

How about calling a contact, someone you’ve met at some point? 

Or do you do whatever you can to avoid all marketing calls?

I’m an introvert, and in the past I would rather do about anything than make a call. 

When I was training to be a coach, I was told to make cold calls to market my services.

The trainer told our class that the individual goal for each of us was to get x number (say 5) of “no” responses.

The assignment was just to make the call and had nothing to do with outcome.  That made the process easier. 

Positive Psychologist researcher Chris Peterson tells us that extroverted people are happier than introverted people.

Introverted people should be asked to do extroverted things. 

What this means for you is
     •   If you are asked to make calls, then you should find a way to do that.
     •   Ask the same of yourself.
     •   In a nutshell -- Ask yourself to do extroverted things.

Even if making calls is difficult for you, once you have done this extroverted task of reaching out to others, you will be glad that you did it.

See if this approach works for you:
1.  Take the pressure off—you’re not invested in outcomes.  Tell yourself that your goal is to receive 5 “no” responses to your marketing calls.
2.  Then ask yourself 2 questions
     a. “What does this person need?”
     b. “What do I have to offer that will solve a problem for this person?”
3.  Write a script for yourself.
4.  Tape yourself reading your script.
5. Listen to the tape and jot down key points that you are making; add missing points.
6.  Practice talking (not reading).
7.  Make the first call no matter how nervous you feel.  No dilly-dallying.
8.  Remember that this call will bring you one call closer to your goal of 5 no’s.
If you get a yes, what a gift!  That’s the prize in the Happy Meal box.
9.  Begin every call with a smile on your face.

When you finish, take note of how satisfied you feel.

According to Chris, you’ll be just as satisfied as if you were extroverted. 

How Does Friendship Affect Workplace Productivity and Job Satisfaction?

"The antidote for 50 enemies is one friend."   
— Aristotle

While you may not feel you have 50 enemies at work, office politics being what it is, many workers feel that there is little loyalty or even honesty in their place of work. 

Having a friend at work can temper some of the competition and ill will that seem close to the surface or perhaps right out in the open in many offices. 

Positive Psychology researchers contend that one of the most important ways to improve one’s job satisfaction is by having a friend at work. 
•  Someone with whom you enjoy sharing lunch or talking to about the kids or the football game or the  3K race coming up Sunday.
•  Someone with whom you can compare prices and benefits of one gym over another.
•  Someone to whom you can reveal your less-than-complete knowledge or understanding of a product or an account or a file.

Having a friend helps to bring out the best in you.  If you feel that someone at work recognizes your worth as a person and also shares your values, you will probably feel more confident in exercising your strengths and talents. 

The more you can use your strengths, the more likely it is that you will be happy and have greater job satisfaction and greater productivity on the job.

How can friendships be encouraged within the office culture?  What changes would you suggest?

I welcome your ideas—I’d love to hear what you think.

Also, please visit my website (www.nwcoaching.com) and sign up for my free e-newsletter. 

"Beautiful": You’ve Got To Get Up Every Morning With A Smile On Your Face

Serendipity strikes! 

This morning as I was looking for the weather report on TV, I happened upon Carole King singing “You’ve got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart . . . “

What a lovely way to start a day— seeing Carole King singing was like seeing an old friend.  She doesn’t know me, of course, but it’s hard for me to hear that song and hear her imperfect voice and not relax into a smile.

It reminded me of what a career coaching client had said to me recently.  Commuting to work one day, she was overcome with what had become an increasingly familiar feeling of dissatisfaction.  She had been wanting to quit her current job, but for various reasons, she felt she could not. 

Instead, she was actively working on identifying changes she could make in her work and in her life that might increase her job satisfaction. 

This particular day had not started out well—she was caught up in heavy traffic and was going to be late to work. Feeling tense, she was mentally sorting through self-calming strategies.  What came to mind was her recent resolve to smile more-- at random moments but especially when she was feeling low. 

So she smiled. 

And she was incredulous at how her spirits lifted. Surprised, she said that she laughed out loud.

Smiles have long been praised, in song and in adage, but only recently has the science of positive psychology offered studies that suggest the mood-altering power of a smile. 

Studies have produced some interesting results.  One study followed the lives of women who had a crinkly-eyed, happy smile in a particular group photograph.  It turned out that the smile had been a strong predictor of the individual’s future happiness. 

While it seems reasonable that one often shows happiness by smiling, what is surprising, at least to me, is that smiling can affect one’s mood and allow a person to feel happier. 

I write today just to tell you that my client was better able to face her day with a smile on her face.

And that Carole King had it right. 

How Would Your Current Job Look if You Viewed It through a Prism of Gratitude?

Let’s say you’re not content in your current job, and you’re actively seeking another job.  But you haven’t landed a new job yet.

What is one step you can take to help yourself feel better, even happier, while you are at your current job?

You can probably make a long list of what you’re not grateful for in terms of this job, so do that.

But follow that list up with what you are grateful for.  Most jobs have one or two elements about which you can be grateful. 

Look at your list and decide what on your list you could strengthen.  How could you increase your feeling of gratitude in one or two areas?  How could you go beyond what you’re doing now in order to help yourself feel more grateful? 

When we increase the practice of gratitude, life satisfaction and work satisfaction increase in major ways. The result is worth the effort.

The change in how you feel can be quite amazing.

Three Steps for Making-Do with a Job Even If Change Is on the Horizon

Sometimes we are so eager to move on from our current job to what is coming next that we burn our bridges.

If you haven’t landed the next job beyond a doubt, then you probably want to make sure there’s a paycheck coming in.  You also may need references from your supervisor or employer at some point in the future.

If you have to remain at your current job for the foreseeable future, how can you make this time of uncertainty or transition easy on yourself?  Even better, how can you make this time count for something?

What opportunities are there for learning?

Here are three ways to use this time to your advantage:

1.  How can you increase your social intelligence?  Without engaging in office gossip, what can you learn about how others act wisely in office relationships and how they use social information to get others to cooperate?  What can you learn about leadership by observing how others use their social intelligence?

2.  What can you learn about your character strengths?  How are you using your top strengths and where could you have been using them more on this job?

3.  What would you do if you were the CEO of this organization? What changes would you make?  How would you change the corporate or office culture?

I'd love to hear what you might add to this list.

If you're interested in hearing more about using your strengths, please sign up for my free newsletter at my website:  www.nwcoaching.com.

Meaningful Work, Pleasure, Loved Ones Make for the Happier Life

Some people put up with work that leaves little time for family or other meaningful pursuits outside of work.  When they think of leaving, the “Yeah, but” chatter starts up in their minds—“I should be happy that I have a job that pays well…Our family expenses are so great that I don’t have a choice.”

People who now call themselves “recovering lawyers” might have formerly been part of a group that Tal Ben-Shahar, author of Happier, labels the “rat racer.” 
 
He says that the "rat racer’s tension stems from the need to feel control over the future."
(“What if I don’t get a promotion?  What if I can’t afford the mortgage on my new house?”)

Many of the self-described recovering lawyers that I know are women. They had started to question their goals.

To find a balance in their lives and to enjoy the present, they made a choice.  They decided that they wanted a present that was more proportional.  For some of them, that meant a life that included their families as well as work.

Ben–Shahar says the happier life includes pleasure and meaning, spending time with our loved ones, and learning or being engaged in work.  Too often, he says, we sacrifice something that is essential to our happiness.

What is Happiness?  He says “when we experience something as personally significant and when we enjoy doing it is when we’re at our happiest.”

A Hopeful Choice: Happiness at Harvard through Goal-Setting

Serendipity struck last night.  As I was clicking on my TV remote, putting off the choice between writing or sleeping, I happened on "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central.  At that moment Jon Stewart was introducing Tal Ben-Shahar, author of the book Happier and instructor of the most popular class at Harvard—a class on Positive Psychology.

In his book Happier, Ben-Shahar emphasizes goal-setting and the effect goals have on changing one’s life. 

Jon Stewart, ever the cleverly entertaining cynic, poked fun at the concept of a Happiness course with its overtones of self-help. Stewart asked if the class is popular because it’s easy.

Ben-Shahar held his own, showing his witty side as well as that of the scholarly researcher.  He said that his class conveys the research and science behind the emerging field of positive psychology and also helps students improve the quality of their own lives.

Experience tells those of us who have taught college students that students need to find meaning in the academic process beyond the notion that one day it will all be over.  In the middle of exams, papers, and required readings, it’s easy to feel isolated and anchorless.

Ben-Shahar says that having goals demonstrates hope, or in his words, “the belief that we are capable of overcoming obstacles.”

To illustrate, Ben-Shahar compares life to a journey in which you’re walking along with a knapsack on your back until you come to a brick wall.  Do you turn back or “throw your knapsack over the wall, thus committing yourself to finding ways of getting through, around, or over the wall?”

The first difficult choice is setting the goal.  Throwing your knapsack over the wall takes faith in yourself, but even more importantly, the willingness to make a commitment.  This is what I will do.  I will find a way.   

The brick wall is a pivotal choice.  You can commit to scaling that wall or turn back.  Committing to a specific, stated goal makes it easier to keep going.  And surmounting that brick wall bodes well for overcoming additional brick walls in your future.

Makes sense, right? And so obvious! Or as Jon Stewart said to Ben-Shahar about positive psychology and also about Ben-Shahar's teaching positive psychology at Harvard, “It’s a fascinating subject and one I can’t believe you’re getting away with.”

To see the Tal Ben-Shahar video clip, go to
http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show/videos/most_recent/index.jhtml and click on the box for the Tal Ben-Shahar video.

I’d love to hear your reaction to Tal Ben-Shahar.