Pivotal Choices Coaching

Small Steps Lead to Pivotal Changes

Many people seem to think that a new year heralds a fresh start.

Not necessarily.

What are you doing now that you’d like to do more of?

It doesn’t take a major change; choosing small, but important steps, lead to pivotal changes.

What is a small step you can take?  Many people would say exercise more. 

If that’s a focus you would like to increase, how much do you exercise now?  How many times a week?  What if you raised that level just one notch for the next month?

Making this pivotal choice starts with your writing it down. 

Small, incremental steps amount to big, pivotal changes.  They’re realistic and easy to maintain.

What’s the small step that you’re willing to take?  And when will you that step? Write it in your calendar.

You can do this! 

Go my website (www.nwcoaching.com) and sign up for my Smart Tips newsletter. You will get the support you need and tips that you can use.  I'll also send you a bonus gift.

Happy New Year and thanks so much for reading my Pivotal Choices Coaching blog in 2007.

If you have a goal that you would like to work toward, contact me.  I look forward to hearing from you in 2008. 

I want 2008 to be a year of productivity and greater life satisfaction for you.

Warmly,

Nancy Whichard
Your Coach for Pivotal Choices and Change
nancy@nancywhichard.com
www.nwcoaching.com

How to Act like an Extrovert and Put Yourself Out There; or, Business Calls Can Lead to Happiness

Are you paralyzed at the thought of making a call to market your services or to ask something of another person?

How about calling a contact, someone you’ve met at some point? 

Or do you do whatever you can to avoid all marketing calls?

I’m an introvert, and in the past I would rather do about anything than make a call. 

When I was training to be a coach, I was told to make cold calls to market my services.

The trainer told our class that the individual goal for each of us was to get x number (say 5) of “no” responses.

The assignment was just to make the call and had nothing to do with outcome.  That made the process easier. 

Positive Psychologist researcher Chris Peterson tells us that extroverted people are happier than introverted people.

Introverted people should be asked to do extroverted things. 

What this means for you is
     •   If you are asked to make calls, then you should find a way to do that.
     •   Ask the same of yourself.
     •   In a nutshell -- Ask yourself to do extroverted things.

Even if making calls is difficult for you, once you have done this extroverted task of reaching out to others, you will be glad that you did it.

See if this approach works for you:
1.  Take the pressure off—you’re not invested in outcomes.  Tell yourself that your goal is to receive 5 “no” responses to your marketing calls.
2.  Then ask yourself 2 questions
     a. “What does this person need?”
     b. “What do I have to offer that will solve a problem for this person?”
3.  Write a script for yourself.
4.  Tape yourself reading your script.
5. Listen to the tape and jot down key points that you are making; add missing points.
6.  Practice talking (not reading).
7.  Make the first call no matter how nervous you feel.  No dilly-dallying.
8.  Remember that this call will bring you one call closer to your goal of 5 no’s.
If you get a yes, what a gift!  That’s the prize in the Happy Meal box.
9.  Begin every call with a smile on your face.

When you finish, take note of how satisfied you feel.

According to Chris, you’ll be just as satisfied as if you were extroverted. 

Life Comes at You Fast, But What to Do When It Doesn't?, or, Where Is Change Possible?

Life comes at you fast, or so says the commercial.  But for many people, life may have lost some of that zip.

Perhaps you feel the need for change, but you’re not sure where that change should be. 

Taking an overview of your life can be helpful. 

Try this exercise:  Draw a pie and divide it into several slices, each slice denoting an important area of your life, such as career, income, family, learning, fun, exercise, food.  Then rate each of those areas on a basis of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest level of life satisfaction.   

If you are ambivalent about change, this exercise can be a good place to start. 

Are there any surprises here for you? You might choose one of the slices and think about what was behind the score you gave it. 

Looking at your life one aspect at a time can give you
1) clarity to see where change would be helpful and also
2) strength to set goals and take action.

I'd love to hear how this exercise works for you. 

If you would, take a minute to visit my website at www.nwcoaching.com and sign up for my newsletter.  I would like to hear your thoughts on what I should include--what would be helpful to you?

Three Steps for Making-Do with a Job Even If Change Is on the Horizon

Sometimes we are so eager to move on from our current job to what is coming next that we burn our bridges.

If you haven’t landed the next job beyond a doubt, then you probably want to make sure there’s a paycheck coming in.  You also may need references from your supervisor or employer at some point in the future.

If you have to remain at your current job for the foreseeable future, how can you make this time of uncertainty or transition easy on yourself?  Even better, how can you make this time count for something?

What opportunities are there for learning?

Here are three ways to use this time to your advantage:

1.  How can you increase your social intelligence?  Without engaging in office gossip, what can you learn about how others act wisely in office relationships and how they use social information to get others to cooperate?  What can you learn about leadership by observing how others use their social intelligence?

2.  What can you learn about your character strengths?  How are you using your top strengths and where could you have been using them more on this job?

3.  What would you do if you were the CEO of this organization? What changes would you make?  How would you change the corporate or office culture?

I'd love to hear what you might add to this list.

If you're interested in hearing more about using your strengths, please sign up for my free newsletter at my website:  www.nwcoaching.com.

Six Steps that Will Kick-Start a Tired, Stalled Project

The other day a caller asked if I had ever coached someone who had become stalled on a house renovation project.  My answer was no, but what came to mind was how similar all big projects are.   How difficult it can be to keep going.  How crushing the project can become. 

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Let’s say it was you who started the renovation project. You envisioned the changes you were going to make.  You put together a plan to accomplish those changes.

And you took on this project in part because of what you wanted to prove to yourself.

Following through on such a commitment takes courage and resilience.  I’ve seen someone with these qualities accomplish an amazing home renovation project.  The husband of one of my nieces almost single-handedly built a large room onto their house.  He’s an accomplished man, but he’s not a carpenter, nor is he an architect.  Nevertheless, over many months, the structure came together, and it’s a lovely addition to their home.

Completing such a project must be more than satisfying.  I would guess that the end feeling would be relief coupled with enormous joy in the accomplishment.

But if the renovation project is yours and if you’re stuck, re-starting takes courage and a willingness to look with new eyes at what this project will require from you.

Here are the Six Steps you have to take:

1.  You need a plan, the more detailed the better.  Without a plan, you probably won’t succeed.

2.  Make realistic, manageable goals each and every day or work session.

3.  When you accomplish the day’s goal, stop for the day—you don’t keep going.  Stopping when you’ve reached a realistic goal gives you the strength to come back another day.  If you go beyond the realistic goal, you make it much harder to return to the project.

4.  After you quit for the day, acknowledge yourself for the courage it took for you to take on this whole project, as well as for what you have accomplished that day.

5.  And give yourself permission to feel joy in meeting the challenge. 

6.  Draw on that feeling of renewed courage and the surge of joy to start your work another day.

Embarrassment, discouragement, and shame are likely to accompany getting stuck on a home renovation or building project.  Having one’s failure on public display can be brutal.  But the dread of being found out when a failure isn’t so visible is also hard to bear. 

Life’s too short to live in dread or shame.  You have a choice.  I say get started on that detailed plan . . . and then get to work!

Meaningful Work, Pleasure, Loved Ones Make for the Happier Life

Some people put up with work that leaves little time for family or other meaningful pursuits outside of work.  When they think of leaving, the “Yeah, but” chatter starts up in their minds—“I should be happy that I have a job that pays well…Our family expenses are so great that I don’t have a choice.”

People who now call themselves “recovering lawyers” might have formerly been part of a group that Tal Ben-Shahar, author of Happier, labels the “rat racer.” 
 
He says that the "rat racer’s tension stems from the need to feel control over the future."
(“What if I don’t get a promotion?  What if I can’t afford the mortgage on my new house?”)

Many of the self-described recovering lawyers that I know are women. They had started to question their goals.

To find a balance in their lives and to enjoy the present, they made a choice.  They decided that they wanted a present that was more proportional.  For some of them, that meant a life that included their families as well as work.

Ben–Shahar says the happier life includes pleasure and meaning, spending time with our loved ones, and learning or being engaged in work.  Too often, he says, we sacrifice something that is essential to our happiness.

What is Happiness?  He says “when we experience something as personally significant and when we enjoy doing it is when we’re at our happiest.”

A Hopeful Choice: Happiness at Harvard through Goal-Setting

Serendipity struck last night.  As I was clicking on my TV remote, putting off the choice between writing or sleeping, I happened on "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central.  At that moment Jon Stewart was introducing Tal Ben-Shahar, author of the book Happier and instructor of the most popular class at Harvard—a class on Positive Psychology.

In his book Happier, Ben-Shahar emphasizes goal-setting and the effect goals have on changing one’s life. 

Jon Stewart, ever the cleverly entertaining cynic, poked fun at the concept of a Happiness course with its overtones of self-help. Stewart asked if the class is popular because it’s easy.

Ben-Shahar held his own, showing his witty side as well as that of the scholarly researcher.  He said that his class conveys the research and science behind the emerging field of positive psychology and also helps students improve the quality of their own lives.

Experience tells those of us who have taught college students that students need to find meaning in the academic process beyond the notion that one day it will all be over.  In the middle of exams, papers, and required readings, it’s easy to feel isolated and anchorless.

Ben-Shahar says that having goals demonstrates hope, or in his words, “the belief that we are capable of overcoming obstacles.”

To illustrate, Ben-Shahar compares life to a journey in which you’re walking along with a knapsack on your back until you come to a brick wall.  Do you turn back or “throw your knapsack over the wall, thus committing yourself to finding ways of getting through, around, or over the wall?”

The first difficult choice is setting the goal.  Throwing your knapsack over the wall takes faith in yourself, but even more importantly, the willingness to make a commitment.  This is what I will do.  I will find a way.   

The brick wall is a pivotal choice.  You can commit to scaling that wall or turn back.  Committing to a specific, stated goal makes it easier to keep going.  And surmounting that brick wall bodes well for overcoming additional brick walls in your future.

Makes sense, right? And so obvious! Or as Jon Stewart said to Ben-Shahar about positive psychology and also about Ben-Shahar's teaching positive psychology at Harvard, “It’s a fascinating subject and one I can’t believe you’re getting away with.”

To see the Tal Ben-Shahar video clip, go to
http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show/videos/most_recent/index.jhtml and click on the box for the Tal Ben-Shahar video.

I’d love to hear your reaction to Tal Ben-Shahar.