Pivotal Choices Coaching

Taking Small Steps toward Responsibility to Gain Acknowledgment

While working with my career coaching clients, I’ve heard the same words being spoken by people who are in very different settings. . . . Low-person on the totem pole. . . . .Lack of acknowledgment by the supervisor. . . .Manipulation/ emotional abuse/ unethical actions. . . .

Let me describe the situations of three people in very different settings whose experiences have striking parallels.

The three people, though in very different settings, have similar predicaments—their talents are going unrecognized. 

Jim is a young man working with a research group.  He’s finishing his dissertation and has been with the group only a few months, while the other 3 people have been in the group for some time.  Jim is bright, ambitious, and frustrated.  He doesn’t think the others on the group recognize his talents in research and writing, and furthermore he thinks the others in the group have made some mistakes that may cost the group time and perhaps prestige. 

Another of my clients, June, is a middle-aged woman who feels that she is not being acknowledged adequately in her place of work.  She works in a small company but finds that her talents are frequently ignored.  She call herself a potted plant—people look through her, never thinking of including her in any of the more interesting projects.

The 3rd person, Joy, is a thoughtful person, a good writer, and also very analytic. Her company is quite large, and the division where she works is fast-paced and demanding.  Joy recently was on sick leave, but before she took sick leave she was on the track for promotion.  Part of the reason that a promotion appeared to be in her future was because the supervisor appeared to be impressed with Joy’s work.  And Joy had a good attitude, worked hard, and made a point of being a team player, both in terms of  working well with her colleagues and also in working well with her supervisor.

When Joy took sick leave, the supervisor did not seem to realize that Joy would be out for some time and that Joy did not have a choice.  When Joy returned to the office, it appeared that the supervisor begrudged Joy the time away and was going to make her pay for being out of the office.  Joy was bowled over at the unfairness of the unexpected turn of events. 

All three people seem dismayed, but only two are disgruntled- Jim and June.  Both Jim and June seem to think that they are entitled to a higher position by virtue of their being bright.  However, neither has used their intuition or social intelligence to improve communication or to show what they could add to the group.  Both may be low person on the totem pole in their particular group, but they could make things more equal by stepping out of their isolation to communicate more, to contribute more, and to recognize the gifts of others in their group.

Joy, on the other hand, has been dealt a raw deal.  She has choices, but it appears that her supervisor is holding a grudge and Joy may be right not to trust her.  If Joy has other reasons for staying in her current position and if she can work hard and well and avoid becoming disgruntled, she may eventually win the supervisor over.  Or the supervisor may move or be removed.  Joy seems to have the strength of character to work through the difficult situation. 

What has been striking to me is that the person whose situation is truly unfair seems to be bravely rising to the occasion.  She has grace as well as courage.  She continues to look for ways to contribute to the group and does not gossip about the unfair situation she found upon returning from sick leave.

Joy needs my support, but Jim and June need to be challenged. 

I am challenging Jim and June to make small steps toward assuming more responsibility for their situations. 

Until they emerge from entitlement and do whatever needs to be done, they will remain unhappy and unfulfilled.

I have faith… Potted Plans can bloom.

If you would like to share your story with me, I’d love to hear from you..

Also, please visit my website and, for a bonus, sign up for my fr*ee e-newsletter, Smart Tips.

Small Steps Lead to Pivotal Changes

Many people seem to think that a new year heralds a fresh start.

Not necessarily.

What are you doing now that you’d like to do more of?

It doesn’t take a major change; choosing small, but important steps, lead to pivotal changes.

What is a small step you can take?  Many people would say exercise more. 

If that’s a focus you would like to increase, how much do you exercise now?  How many times a week?  What if you raised that level just one notch for the next month?

Making this pivotal choice starts with your writing it down. 

Small, incremental steps amount to big, pivotal changes.  They’re realistic and easy to maintain.

What’s the small step that you’re willing to take?  And when will you that step? Write it in your calendar.

You can do this! 

Go my website (www.nwcoaching.com) and sign up for my Smart Tips newsletter. You will get the support you need and tips that you can use.  I'll also send you a bonus gift.

Happy New Year and thanks so much for reading my Pivotal Choices Coaching blog in 2007.

If you have a goal that you would like to work toward, contact me.  I look forward to hearing from you in 2008. 

I want 2008 to be a year of productivity and greater life satisfaction for you.

Warmly,

Nancy Whichard
Your Coach for Pivotal Choices and Change
nancy@mentorcoach.com
www.nwcoaching.com

The Practice of Gratitude Can Make You Healthier—Hear Author Explain How

The new book Thanks!  How the new science of gratitude can make you happier has brought gratitude to the public consciousness.

For ages, gratitude has been so much a part of most cultures that the interest that this book has generated is quite amazing.   

It has been reviewed in many, many newspapers and referred to by columnists. Interviews with the author, Robert A. Emmons, have been published in several places.

What makes the book intriguing is that, based on extensive studies, author Robert A. Emmons shows that if we practice gratitude, we can actually become healthier!

The practice of gratitude can improve our physical health and also our mental health.  It can help us eliminate feelings of resentment and hatred.

Robert A. Emmons is well-known as a serious researcher and psychologist..  Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Davis, he has published close to 100 articles in peer-reviewed journals.
   
You can hear Professor Emmons live Friday, Dec. 14 from 4:00 - 5:20 pm Eastern Time at a free teleconference.   Register at www.mentorcoach.com, and you will be sent the telephone bridge number for the call.  You pay only your usual long-distance charges.
 
I’ll be there—hope you can come, too.

And please visit my website (www.nwcoaching.com) to sign up for my newsletter.  As a sign-up bonus, you’ll receive a really great gift--something that you can use.
 
See you at the Gratitude interview!

Until next time,
Nancy
www.nwcoaching.com

What Is the Most Important Choice You Can Make in Preparing a Presentation?

Unless you’re a natural-born extrovert or super salesperson, what comes to most people’s mind at the thought of giving a presentation is fear.

The clients I have worked with as they prepare for these events feel as if they are going to face a firing squad. 

The most important thing to remember is ….

This isn’t about you!

Of course you have to have expertise in an area and have information that you want to deliver.  You’ve brought all of that to the table. 

You have many anecdotes, factoids, helpful information to share, but all of that information has to be focused on one perspective.  And until you make the choice to shift the focus to your audience, your project will never get off the ground.

Once you make this choice, then you’re ready to get to work.

In my next posting, read about what is the most important thing that you need to know about your audience.

If you are preparing for a presentation, I’d love to hear from you.  What is the challenge you’re facing?

I have something that will be of help.  Go to www.nwcoaching.com and get a free sign-up bonus when you subscribe to my Smart Tips for Writers e-newsletter.

Until next time,
Nancy
www.nwcoaching.com

Choosing to View Life through a Lens of Gratitude

I’ve always thought that I knew a lot about gratitude. Gratitude is one of my top five signature strengths.  I routinely send thank you notes for presents, and I feel grateful for what I have and for what I have accomplished in my life.

What else is there to know?

But a few nights ago I listened to a teleconference about gratitude, given by Deb Levy, an educator and a teaching assistant to Tal Ben-Shahar at Harvard.  Deb’s talk started me thinking how gratitude could play an even larger role in my life. 

Since the teleconference I have read more on the emerging research on gratitude and am amazed at the role gratitude can play in changing people’s lives.

What I have read tells me that gratitude is a choice.  And it’s not always easy to choose gratitude.  It demands that we acknowledge the gifts from others. That we view life through a lens of gratitude.

It’s easy to be grateful for the food we eat and the sun that shines, but to view life through gratitude means that being grateful replaces the feeling that we deserve all that life can give us. It replaces the feeling that we have suffered for everything that we’ve achieved. Or that we’re still a victim of some kind.

What choosing gratitude means is that we see ourselves as incomplete and in need of the help others have given us. 

So even though the number of people around my dining room table will be smaller than the number of guests my grandmother would have had at her Thanksgiving table when I was a child, I can choose a to be part of a very large community.

This Thanksgiving Day I will thank my husband and my children for all they have given me.  I am gladly and gratefully dependent upon them.

And I will thank the members of that community that I see in my mind’s eye for all of the gifts I have received—that community includes people from long ago in my life as well as people that I saw Friday at the office.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Nancy
www.nwcoaching.com

How to Act like an Extrovert and Put Yourself Out There; or, Business Calls Can Lead to Happiness

Are you paralyzed at the thought of making a call to market your services or to ask something of another person?

How about calling a contact, someone you’ve met at some point? 

Or do you do whatever you can to avoid all marketing calls?

I’m an introvert, and in the past I would rather do about anything than make a call. 

When I was training to be a coach, I was told to make cold calls to market my services.

The trainer told our class that the individual goal for each of us was to get x number (say 5) of “no” responses.

The assignment was just to make the call and had nothing to do with outcome.  That made the process easier. 

Positive Psychologist researcher Chris Peterson tells us that extroverted people are happier than introverted people.

Introverted people should be asked to do extroverted things. 

What this means for you is
     •   If you are asked to make calls, then you should find a way to do that.
     •   Ask the same of yourself.
     •   In a nutshell -- Ask yourself to do extroverted things.

Even if making calls is difficult for you, once you have done this extroverted task of reaching out to others, you will be glad that you did it.

See if this approach works for you:
1.  Take the pressure off—you’re not invested in outcomes.  Tell yourself that your goal is to receive 5 “no” responses to your marketing calls.
2.  Then ask yourself 2 questions
     a. “What does this person need?”
     b. “What do I have to offer that will solve a problem for this person?”
3.  Write a script for yourself.
4.  Tape yourself reading your script.
5. Listen to the tape and jot down key points that you are making; add missing points.
6.  Practice talking (not reading).
7.  Make the first call no matter how nervous you feel.  No dilly-dallying.
8.  Remember that this call will bring you one call closer to your goal of 5 no’s.
If you get a yes, what a gift!  That’s the prize in the Happy Meal box.
9.  Begin every call with a smile on your face.

When you finish, take note of how satisfied you feel.

According to Chris, you’ll be just as satisfied as if you were extroverted. 

How Does Friendship Affect Workplace Productivity and Job Satisfaction?

"The antidote for 50 enemies is one friend."   
— Aristotle

While you may not feel you have 50 enemies at work, office politics being what it is, many workers feel that there is little loyalty or even honesty in their place of work. 

Having a friend at work can temper some of the competition and ill will that seem close to the surface or perhaps right out in the open in many offices. 

Positive Psychology researchers contend that one of the most important ways to improve one’s job satisfaction is by having a friend at work. 
•  Someone with whom you enjoy sharing lunch or talking to about the kids or the football game or the  3K race coming up Sunday.
•  Someone with whom you can compare prices and benefits of one gym over another.
•  Someone to whom you can reveal your less-than-complete knowledge or understanding of a product or an account or a file.

Having a friend helps to bring out the best in you.  If you feel that someone at work recognizes your worth as a person and also shares your values, you will probably feel more confident in exercising your strengths and talents. 

The more you can use your strengths, the more likely it is that you will be happy and have greater job satisfaction and greater productivity on the job.

How can friendships be encouraged within the office culture?  What changes would you suggest?

I welcome your ideas—I’d love to hear what you think.

Also, please visit my website (www.nwcoaching.com) and sign up for my free e-newsletter. 

"Beautiful": You’ve Got To Get Up Every Morning With A Smile On Your Face

Serendipity strikes! 

This morning as I was looking for the weather report on TV, I happened upon Carole King singing “You’ve got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart . . . “

What a lovely way to start a day— seeing Carole King singing was like seeing an old friend.  She doesn’t know me, of course, but it’s hard for me to hear that song and hear her imperfect voice and not relax into a smile.

It reminded me of what a career coaching client had said to me recently.  Commuting to work one day, she was overcome with what had become an increasingly familiar feeling of dissatisfaction.  She had been wanting to quit her current job, but for various reasons, she felt she could not. 

Instead, she was actively working on identifying changes she could make in her work and in her life that might increase her job satisfaction. 

This particular day had not started out well—she was caught up in heavy traffic and was going to be late to work. Feeling tense, she was mentally sorting through self-calming strategies.  What came to mind was her recent resolve to smile more-- at random moments but especially when she was feeling low. 

So she smiled. 

And she was incredulous at how her spirits lifted. Surprised, she said that she laughed out loud.

Smiles have long been praised, in song and in adage, but only recently has the science of positive psychology offered studies that suggest the mood-altering power of a smile. 

Studies have produced some interesting results.  One study followed the lives of women who had a crinkly-eyed, happy smile in a particular group photograph.  It turned out that the smile had been a strong predictor of the individual’s future happiness. 

While it seems reasonable that one often shows happiness by smiling, what is surprising, at least to me, is that smiling can affect one’s mood and allow a person to feel happier. 

I write today just to tell you that my client was better able to face her day with a smile on her face.

And that Carole King had it right. 

Ready to Get Serious about Change?

Are you looking for what comes next in your life?

I have heard from teachers, professors, lawyers, corporate executives, executive assistants,
and they are ready for something new. They want a change.

And the good news is that change is possible.

What makes it possible is that there are some fantastic resources available.

One great resource is www.squidoo.com/mappingmidlife.

Asking the question “How will you map the second half of the journey?”
drsusan offers seven areas to consider:
1. What will my legacy be?
2. What meaningful work do I now want to do?
3. How can I fulfill my need to nurture?
4. How can I sustain meaningful relationships in my life?
5. How can I express myself creatively?
6. How can I meet my spiritual needs?
7. What surroundings do I want?

These questions slow you down and pin you against the wall, don’t they?

Would you like to pursue some of these questions?  I offer a free
sample coaching call.  It would be an opportunity for you to see if coaching might
be for you.

You can contact me through my website at www.nwcoaching.com.

I would also love to send you a copy of my free newsletter.  You can sign up for my newsletter at www.nwcoaching.com.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Life Comes at You Fast, But What to Do When It Doesn't?, or, Where Is Change Possible?

Life comes at you fast, or so says the commercial.  But for many people, life may have lost some of that zip.

Perhaps you feel the need for change, but you’re not sure where that change should be. 

Taking an overview of your life can be helpful. 

Try this exercise:  Draw a pie and divide it into several slices, each slice denoting an important area of your life, such as career, income, family, learning, fun, exercise, food.  Then rate each of those areas on a basis of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest level of life satisfaction.   

If you are ambivalent about change, this exercise can be a good place to start. 

Are there any surprises here for you? You might choose one of the slices and think about what was behind the score you gave it. 

Looking at your life one aspect at a time can give you
1) clarity to see where change would be helpful and also
2) strength to set goals and take action.

I'd love to hear how this exercise works for you. 

If you would, take a minute to visit my website at www.nwcoaching.com and sign up for my newsletter.  I would like to hear your thoughts on what I should include--what would be helpful to you?